You are the mom of an addict.

It is a dark, lonely, terrifying place to be. You aren't even sure how it happened.

Now what?

You are the mom of an addict. You are emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted.

I know because I have been there. It is a dark, lonely, terrifying place to be. You aren't even sure how it happened.

Now what?

Now you need to do what we want our addicted child to do.Now you need to make a choice.You can either allow your child's addiction to kill you, or you can decide to find your recovery.

It is decision that when you choose recovery you need to make every day. It is not a one and done decision.

Fortunately, every day we are given a clean slate.

So today you have decided to choose recovery for you,

Now what?

First, find a quiet place, somewhere that you can be alone with your thoughts.

Be still. Start small.

Write down one thing that you are no longer willing to tolerate in your life.

It can be as simple as..I will no longer tolerate conversations where my addict verbally abuses me

Now, you need to decide how to implement that decision.

For me it was simply telling my sons that if they could not speak to me with respect I would not engage in conversation with them. Of course because I had tolerated it for so long, they either didn't believe me or didn't take me seriously,or a combination of both. The next time we spoke and they started to get ugly, I said, I am sorry I will no longer allow you to speak to me this way and hung up. My phone rang incessantly after that,I did not answer. The texts started. I didn't respond. Most of them I didn't even read. I did not answer the phone when they called for about a week.

I was, and you are not obligated to answer. I decided that as much as I loved them speaking to me was a privilege that they needed to earn. Of course they did not get it on the first go round. It took me staying firm and hanging up and not responding several time before they actually got it. But they did get it.

So now although they are still active in addiction they no longer speak to me that way.

They changed because I changed.

I had taken a first step.

Your first step may look completely different.What matters is you are taking a step.

Continue to add to those steps...Define what works for you.

Everyone's list will look a little different,

This is not a one size fits all disease neither is recovery,

You are going to have to make this choice every day.

It does however get easier.

As I told someone today,you have danced this dance long enough

Change the music.

Starting today.

Love and light to all of you

Pam

“They changed because I changed. I had taken a first step.”